Today is a hard day, this week has been warm and I think it is having an adverse effect on Alec, the last two nights we have had extended meltdowns over such things as what animal cards each boy gets and how to prepare his dinner. He has been asleep as soon as the lights are out, which has left Riley wandering the house, one night until 10:30pm! He has been amazingly good though, at three he is learning action and consequence, something Alec doesn't understand. Lately we have been trying to re-enforce the we are cross about xyz but we still love you message, after telling Alec off a little while after he will come and ask if I'm happy now.
What I find hardest is to try and put myself in his place, I know how his mind works and know his expectations in situations but the stress of getting two kids through k-mart without losing the plot myself is hard, you know those looks I mentioned well I got lots of those today, I was able to stay calm and let him know what we were doing Riley was very good Alec was crying, cross, confused and demanding all wrapped up together. We got through it but it leaves me drained, it takes a lot of strength not to lose it in the toy aisle at k-mart I tell you.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
When the right question is the wrong question
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Poor you, Alli. I certainly know how hard it is to maintain some sort of control in situations like that, and if you are anything like me...it gets harder and harder to just "bounce back". There are times when I just need a little time to get myself back together and calm down, but just can't get away to do it.
I find myself trying to avoid these problems all the time, and try to go shopping when Danyon is either at the Autism SA pre-kindy group (one part-day a week) or going on Saturday when my husband is home to mind him. It makes for a much less stressful shopping experience, and if my daughter comes we also use it as a one-on-one opportunity to do something that having Danyon along stops us from doing, eg. eat out!
The down side though, is that in avoiding going out with Danny, he doesn't get to go out much and gets horribly bored at home. He is the kind of kid that flits from one toy to another all the time too, and doesn't settle long to any one task, which makes him really hard to entertain. Also, if he isn't out in public, he isn't learning how to behave out in public. It's all such a see-saw! I can't take him to playgrounds often because he is still a little prone to running away, and his gluten/casein free diet restricts us from going anywhere there is food, including friends houses. I can't take him to play cafes because I have to chase him from table to table to stop him stealing food, and I have to keep him away from the bins or he will go through them. At other times he climbs right up the top of the play equipment and won't come down. It's kind of like trying to control an untrained monkey, and sometimes I think a monkey would understand me better than he does lol. To make it all worse, he gets quite stressed if he is separated from me for any length of time, and cries every time I leave him (which of course makes me feel like the worlds worse mother!) Seriously though, living with Autism is rather like a prison sentence for him and our family, with very little time off for good behaviour.
We are currently trying some biomedical options and seeing some small improvements, but it is all such a gamble really, and as you know...what works for one, doesn't work for the next. Lets hope we both stumble upon what works for our children and manage to find an easier path for us and them!
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