Transition

5 more weeks of early intervention.

In a word, ok in several words I am nervous, apprehensive and a bit afraid. The centre have been part of our lives for 2 years, and such a big part too. Starting grade one is huge, I know he is taking it all in his stride, I just can't help it. I want everything to be amazing for him, I know this is unrealistic on my part because I know it wont be. In so many ways he will be just fine and in others I know he will have difficulty. I am thinking of setting up a reward system for him and get some work books to do over the holidays. Fine motor is still a real problem, there has been very little improvement in his hand writing and he avoids colouring in and drawing.

I am feeling a bit isolated, no one really wants to know what it is you do to get through the day with out meltdowns and catastrophes happening and you put on the coping face, I'm not even sure you could explain, it isn't as though you know anything else, this is your life, and how do you explain that is can simply be something you say that triggers it... so we say.. yes we are great, things couldn't be better, just after you got home from the shopping trip from hell where your child squealed and ran the length of the shopping centre, then screamed and fell to the floor when you refused a request and some interfering old fool makes a snide comment about how your child is behaving. I know now that I am very tired my patience is wearing thin and I am a bit snappy. I try so hard to keep everything going smoothly but sometimes he is unreasonable and I can't just drop everything and give him 100% of my attention. I know he doesn't understand and that what he has to say is the most important thing in the world at that second, how do i say, well Riley was showing me XYZ you are just going to have to wait, it just doesn't wash, but I can't say sorry Riley step aside, he is only 4. Riley is right into performing at the moment, it is very cute but I think Alec feels a little put out by it and trys to butt in and we end up with a shouting match between the two of them, followed closely by tears.

Add to all of this the inability to keep the house looking even 1/2 way decent, if you read my scrapping blog you know I have a huge pile of laundry to fold, it is still there, some of it even has moved to the lounge room, I was going to fold it last night but I am so tired by the time the boys finally settle that I hung out my 4th load of washing for the day then fell into bed to watch tv in there, I select my clothes from the line for us each morning LOL.

Alec comes first, then Riley and Michael.. house 5th or 6th... well 52nd if you want to know the truth. I feel guilty because I make time for myself but not for the cleaning. I am at that breaking point right now I could easily sit all day staring at the tv or a blank wall. It is hard living day after day trying to anticipate someones needs and dealing with him when the world caves in on him.

I will end this with saying I would do it all over again, even try to do a little more. my boys are so precious I would do anything for them. With Alec my biggest fear is I haven't done enough. It is ongoing, forever which can be a bit daunting but I know what we do now will make him more able to cope and lead an independent lift, as long as he isn't in too much of a hurry to grow up. These guys are my world.